Getting married at 27

Hi guys, it's been super long since I last blogged. Many years actually. And guess what's the occasion? Currently doing my maternity leave, so I just got free time to write after putting down the baby for awhile and to recap how overwhelmingly hectic the past year has pass me by. Since I've entered the work force, I have been very busy earning money, running sales, hitting targets, trying not to get fucked for not hitting sales, where everyday has just been like an ant trying to keep afloat on the water and finally, I got some time to take a break although its not really considered a break, because baby-ing is tough as well, and circuit breaker last year wasn't really a break to write, to think about what I want in life, and to review my personal goals and life goals.

So coming to the big topic, I AM MARRIED. Yes, you are right. I have always wanted to get married, at like 23. And thinking back, it was quite a childish mindset because I wasn't really mature at 23 still, partying and all even though I had a slightly older boyfriend at that time, my thinking wasn't mature. After that, I just kept meeting different kinds of toxic wrapped in different kinds of toxic packaging, there was the 暖男 toxic (Guy who warms you up, treat you very nice at your beck and call and also to others as well), I also met the very giving kind of guy who give you everything, give you luxury, spoils you like a princess, very caring and nice, but have their own issues as well. And I also met guys who are very business-career driven, very manly ego, obviously rich and package includes cheating because they are successful. Throughout my prime 20s, I guess that's what a lot of girls encounter as well, you try different kinds of boyfriends and they teach you different life lessons, and still its hard to really define what you really want, because I'm someone that will give people lots of chance to change, even though I have a set of my own toxic traits like perfectionism too, and I am super fierce until I get what I want, but that is because I believe I shouldn't lower my standards for anyone.

And so, the question is? Everybody would ask, are you shotgun? Well, was the marriage and pregnancy planned? In a way, yes it is planned. I have always wanted to marry and have a kid before 30. In fact, I was kind of worried I wouldn't meet the right one before 30. And in fact, I have everything planned out in my life so well that I already bought children's education endownment when I was like what, 25? Yeah, no joke. And I saved up quite a bit every month compared to my peers who were older or younger, like 20-40% more. So, as much as my mother would dislike, yes, I got pregnant before I got married. And would I change anything about it? Yes and no. In fact, I loved this guy and I think, looking back, there's nothing I could change still because somehow this is my fate. Because we were breaking up and patching so many times, carrying my luggage back and forth from his house. But his toxic was not as bad as my previous exes, just that he comes with a different set of baggage that I did not find out before getting even closer to him, and I wouldn't know what I would have changed if I found out his problems before the marriage or before being "scammed" to be his girlfriend.

So, I wouldn't want to go Aunty Nanny to everyone about my family and relationship problems, because its not like anyone will solve it for me also. And telling everyone and anyone doesn't help but it's kind of annoying when people ask so many questions but can't help but pity me, it's just that I get treated pretty unfairly at times and just want to rant, and at the same time problems can't be solved because I am not the problem, and the only way to solve it is to throw the problem away but that would even lead to bigger problems.

So, on the topic of marriage, having a baby before you are married and single moms. I kind of blame my mom for forcing me into marriage but at the same time understand what she wants best for me, like baby bonus and everything legal. For me, I would prefer to have a baby first and get married in future when the relationship is more stable, but I guess my parents are still very traditional mindset thinking. And after viewing Facebook, I saw comments of women from 1920s up till even 1990s and today, without marrying the father of the baby, most families would not let the women keep the baby, and not even let her meet her child and that becomes her biggest regret of her life. Imagine being 60 or 80 and still finding your long-lost child. And mid-wives will even not give pain reliefs to these mothers and so called saying they are not decent and stuff like that. It's quite infuriating that even till today, such perspectives and mindsets still exists.

For me, as most of you are interested, the story of my pregnancy reveal. I missed my period in August for a few days, and previously my period was always very constant in the whole of my life, only missed it for a few days like up to 5 days when I was really stressed with exams or sales. But during August, I missed my period for 7 days, which was the first time it actually hit 7 days. And because I bought in bulk from online pregnancy test kit for around $1-3 just in case, because guardian sell really expensive like $7-12, I decided to test it out for fun. So the first time, the line was one red, and one really light pink faint line. I told my boyfriend and he told me to try another 2 more times, same result. I wasn't sure if I was pregnant at that time, but he was quite happy but nonchalant about it.

I had my annual pap smear on september 1, just before my birthday. So by right, if you are pregnant, you are not supposed to have a pap smear. A pap smear is an annual check where it is so important for ladies to check whether you have cervical cancer. Although you might be loyal, sometimes, you will never know if your boyfriend is cheating on you which will cause you to get HPV and cervical cancer. So, I went for my annual check, and I told the gynae, I did the test kit and I think I'm pregnant but I'm not sure. At the time, I was super excited and having mixed feelings, afterall it's my first time doing this. I have been wanting a baby for very long, so they put this vaginal probe inside my vaginal as the baby is very small and can't be picked up by the ultrasound yet. Similar to like what you do for pap smear, to check your uterus and they didn't tell me anything, told me they have to ask the senior doctor to check the scans. But somehow, I just got the feeling I was pregnant and when they left the room I peeped at the screen and saw a dot.

So how did I reveal to my parents? His parents? His parents were super cool with it, and just ask how we were gonna to plan to raise the kid, what do we plan to do. For my parents side, I usually tell my mum everything as she's the main caregiver of my life. Apparently she was cool, but pretty not cool with it. Since young, I thought my mum was quite a relaxed cool parent because she knew the friends and crowd I was hanging out with and she didn't say anything whenever I went to clubs. However, my dad bring the "traditional mindset fucked" 大男人 kind and my mum being the one who always listened to him, they told me either I get married or I abort the baby if not they will kick me out of the house. So obviously, aborting was a NO, it was not even a thought that I had in my mind and I will never ever do that to my baby, not even a dog, why would I kill a life? I am very anti-ABORTIONIST, even though I don't encourage young teens to get pregnant, finally understood why because pregnancy is really tough.

So, eventually got "forced" to married to the boyfriend I chose myself. Would not focus too much on that. I just wanted to get the marriage over and done with as after-all I'm still quite a mommy's little girl no matter how rebellious I always am, zzz. At that time, my ROM was 10 October, we registered on 9 September. I was 1 month pregnant, already very fat after circuit breaker, and 1 month pregnant made my face very bloated. Wasn't honestly enjoying planning so many things at a rush, and having to work and do my sales at the same time, it was just extremely stressful.

I had always wanted a nice wedding at a beach or glass terrace over the sea, like in somewhere cheap like Bali or whatever. And for the cost and finance, since it was covid, it was cheaper for us. Tbh, I didn't even like the fact that I had to put up a wedding or even entertain guests, but for my mum's face I did it.'

Total spent:
For ROM we hosted at some chinese restaurant around 6k (angbao around 10k from both sides)

Wedding bands from Tiffany and co: 2k per ring, 4k total cost.

Wedding outfits I bought at taobao less than $200 both since rental was $300/bride or groom.

And then hired a make-up artist for $200

For photographer, I asked one of my photographer friend to help out and gave him an angbao, and invited him for dinner since I looked fat, and the space wasn't like a fairytale wedding, I just want some simple photos to commemorate.

And then wedding cakes and cards around $300+.

My mum also bought us a new queen size bed for $2k+ since I was pregnant and my previous bed was a cute kind of mattress of the floor, it was more convenient for a higher height.

And then we had a mini honeymoon staycay at Fourseasons (best service!) at around $500+

Lucky for me, I used to be a model and I have worn and took photos in bridal gowns and bridal shows in my prime years. But the only regret is, it is different because I don't have many photos with my husband as after we met, he was very busy at work and shortly after it was circuit breaker, we didn't really travelled much together, and the only trip we had together was a short one-day Bali trip to find me and go back together. Would I recommend you to get pregnant and then married? Definitely not, within one month although the baby was small I gained exponentially in size. And it was way tiring, I had to rely on diclectin, a pill for pregnant woman to prevent them from puking. Imagine puking out shark fin from your wedding night, that's not what you want to do. And imagine having to entertain your guests table by table when you're pregnant. No too..

Would I want to have another wedding? Yes, if family budget permits after getting housing (a higher priority). Probably in Bali and my dream wedding over the sea and glass, probably just a vow renewal, something cheap yet luxurious and also a buffet after the wedding, definitely not the kind I want to entertain my guests, where my guests can have a mini photobooth and enjoy themselves or a casual pool party.